How I Met Myself in Southie.

It's been a month since the completion of my last yoga teacher training and it has taken me until now to even consider formulating the words to describe this experience. I would think a lot about what to write, knowing that I wanted to say something about the time I spent with this group of truly mind-blowingly wise, compassionate, and whole-hearted people, but I would always pause feeling that my words could not do it, or them, justice.

For 3 weeks straight, we would start our days by rolling out our mats for 7am practice. With our stifled yawns and somewhat tamed bed-heads, we knew that this is where we should be, where we needed to be. We all came to the training with a purpose. Maybe it was to find a deeper meaning to the yoga asana practice, or to learn how to teach yoga to others, but it was also personal. It was many things for each person. It was finding confidence, forgiveness, happiness, breath, peace of mind, power, compassion and the list goes on. We all came because we were drawn to the idea that we could be a better version of ourselves and we were willing to take the steps toward it, no matter how scary and emotional the ride might be.

And, boy, it was emotional. Each day new feelings arose. Old insecurities and worries were juxtaposed with new moments of clarity and excitement. Gentle hands and open ears were always there in support. Tears, laughs, and copious amounts of china gel were shared without hesitation. It was amazing to me that once the walls of support were built around me, it finally became easier to lower the ones that I had built up within myself for so many years.

The transformation that I felt during the training was so powerful and by the time it had ended, I was not only physically stronger and more centered, but I was happy. Like really really happy. My friends would comment that there was an ease about me, even a glow. But as I've assimilated back into the day-to-day grind of public transportation and my 9-5 as a glorified desk jockey, I sometimes feel that happiness slipping out of my grips. But I won't let it. I will hold on, white knuckles and all, because I know how good it is and, more importantly, because now I know that I deserve it.

As our teacher David says, and what he reminded me of last night in class, "Don't do anything that doesn't feel good... and I mean that as a general rule in life". This is my mantra. As I sift my way through the items in my life, letting go of those things that no longer "feel good", I will keep reminding myself of this. I will remind myself that I am not my job, or the negative thoughts of those around me, or the anxious feelings of uncertainty that arise as I try to map out my future. I am that calm, grounded, happy person that I met a month ago and she is here to stay.

I bow in deepest gratitude for this training, for my teachers, and for those who shared their hearts with me during this time. Thank you, thank you, thank you. XO.