How I Met Myself in Southie.

It's been a month since the completion of my last yoga teacher training and it has taken me until now to even consider formulating the words to describe this experience. I would think a lot about what to write, knowing that I wanted to say something about the time I spent with this group of truly mind-blowingly wise, compassionate, and whole-hearted people, but I would always pause feeling that my words could not do it, or them, justice.

For 3 weeks straight, we would start our days by rolling out our mats for 7am practice. With our stifled yawns and somewhat tamed bed-heads, we knew that this is where we should be, where we needed to be. We all came to the training with a purpose. Maybe it was to find a deeper meaning to the yoga asana practice, or to learn how to teach yoga to others, but it was also personal. It was many things for each person. It was finding confidence, forgiveness, happiness, breath, peace of mind, power, compassion and the list goes on. We all came because we were drawn to the idea that we could be a better version of ourselves and we were willing to take the steps toward it, no matter how scary and emotional the ride might be.

And, boy, it was emotional. Each day new feelings arose. Old insecurities and worries were juxtaposed with new moments of clarity and excitement. Gentle hands and open ears were always there in support. Tears, laughs, and copious amounts of china gel were shared without hesitation. It was amazing to me that once the walls of support were built around me, it finally became easier to lower the ones that I had built up within myself for so many years.

The transformation that I felt during the training was so powerful and by the time it had ended, I was not only physically stronger and more centered, but I was happy. Like really really happy. My friends would comment that there was an ease about me, even a glow. But as I've assimilated back into the day-to-day grind of public transportation and my 9-5 as a glorified desk jockey, I sometimes feel that happiness slipping out of my grips. But I won't let it. I will hold on, white knuckles and all, because I know how good it is and, more importantly, because now I know that I deserve it.

As our teacher David says, and what he reminded me of last night in class, "Don't do anything that doesn't feel good... and I mean that as a general rule in life". This is my mantra. As I sift my way through the items in my life, letting go of those things that no longer "feel good", I will keep reminding myself of this. I will remind myself that I am not my job, or the negative thoughts of those around me, or the anxious feelings of uncertainty that arise as I try to map out my future. I am that calm, grounded, happy person that I met a month ago and she is here to stay.

I bow in deepest gratitude for this training, for my teachers, and for those who shared their hearts with me during this time. Thank you, thank you, thank you. XO.

Day 7 - Turning inward

DAY 7: May 16, 2011

Apparently, Boston is the new Seattle and it is going to rain FOR-EV-ER. When the weather is cold and damp, my body craaaaves heat so it was a no brainer when deciding where to go for class. I headed over to South Boston Yoga (SBY) for a Hot Yoga class with Joanne Flaherty. The hot yoga room at SBY is womb-like with heaters continually pumping warm air into the space. Lights were turned down low and candle lights flickered on the altar. The ambiance was super chill and I could have flowed through the whole class with eyes closed. Joanne mindfully guides students with her sultry voice and smooth way about her. I could almost picture her in an era passed, vibing to the sounds of Ella Fitzgerald in a jazz club, bourbon in hand.

My hips have been getting a lot of lovin' these days and this class was no different. I guess there is something about the spring that makes you want to loosen your groins. Wait, what?! But seriously, I could feel the progress that has been made in my body over the last few months of practicing, and in the last week in particular. I definitely have more mobility in my joints (hips included) and my overall strength is improving each day. Amazingly, I find that the more I open my body up, the easier it becomes to turn my focus inward. Finding space in the poses allows for a sense of freedom and, in turn, a sense of relaxation.

Being able to integrate an element of ease into the poses will transform your relationship with the asanas. I'll even be so bold as to go beyond that and say, try to bring an element of ease into everything you do. The breath is the key. You've heard it before, but that's because it is so true. When stress is overwhelming you, take a breath and allow yourself to feel the lightness in the body - even if just for a moment.

Day 7 overall: Felt like I got a big ol' yoga hug. Finally realized (after a week) why I have bruises on my triceps - bakasana (crow pose) is the culprit! Does this happen to anyone else?! I upped the spinach intake at dinner to prevent this from happening in the future.