This week has been rough. My body has been tired and I was just waiting for it to totally rebel. I went to Georgia's class at BBY and when I found myself literally shaking in the first down dog, I couldn't help but think "oh crap". I was envisioning myself face-planting on the mat. As we started building heat and moving through the flow, my body started to cooperate - up until we got to pigeon pose. Total hip spasms in full effect. Thank goodness for child's pose, that's all I gotta say.
Recently, I participated in Ame Wren's Teacher Mentorship Program at BBY and, as part of the curriculum, she asked us to read Matthew Sanford's book, Waking (http://www.matthewsanford.com/content/book). Matthew is a yoga teacher who is paralyzed from the chest down and this book tells his story, as well as explores his connection to his body and to his practice. He talks about the disconnection he has with his body because of the paralysis and how he works to overcome it. I won't give too much away because you should read it (even all you non-yogis out there). It is a-maz-ing and you will not want to put it down.
So the point of me mentioning his book - While in class, we were practicing headstand prep. I set myself up - forearms firmly planted on the ground, elbows shoulder-width apart, hands clasped & cupping the back of my head, crown of my head pressing lightly into the earth, hips up, hamstrings long and strong. As I walked my feet in, I realized this is the best I've felt in this pose ever. My hamstrings were finally loose enough to allow my hips to just float up over head and my shoulders and arms felt strong enough to support my body weight. I was getting super pumped. I came to the point where my toes barely dangled on top of the floor - just the tips barely brushing the ground. And then it all stopped. Georgia cued us to "use your core to lift your legs slowly into the air - no hopping!!". My brain understood this cue, I have lifted my feet up above my head many times before. But today I was searching, yearning for that controlled lift - and there was nothing. I leered at my toes waiting for them to levitate gracefully up over my head but they just hung there stubbornly. I immediately thought of Matthew. It dawned on me that this must be how he feels all the time. His brain sends the signals to this lower limbs to move, to rise, to follow along - only to never receive fully what he is asking for. In my case, my non-movement issue only lies in the fact that I have flubby abs that need some serious core boot camp. I had to pause. I grew extremely thankful for those bullheaded toes of mine. When I asked them to wiggle, they wiggled. When I asked my legs to bend, they did as they were told. My body doesn't always move exactly the way I want it to and I get frustrated with it at times, but I have a strong, able body and it is something I will never take for granted.
Day 16 overall: Happy for the body I have and all that is does for me. I needed this reminder.
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